It took a jury less than an hour to return a guilty verdict. The woman accused of conspiracy to murder our family member would face sentencing. Sitting through that experience was one of the most difficult two weeks of my life. The following weekend, someone came up to me and said, “I’m glad you got closure.” I know they meant well, but my immediate reaction was rejection of that assumption.
Closure refers to a process of acceptance, or the final stage of grief, by some accounts. I’m not sure how you agree to accept when someone was taken in a senseless act of violence. Maybe the form of healing is something I have yet to recognize. Returning to life before the trial doesn’t seem possible because I’m not the same person. Perhaps when you are touched by such an event, you can never go back. It’s a type of awakening triggered by trauma. Letting go is the key, but there are some feelings that seem forever bonded.
Reconciliation might be a better way to describe the process. This word refers to integration rather than acceptance. It’s adjusting to the new reality instead of the idea of accepting and moving on. If your goal is closure, frustration can enter the equation. Forcing a close to a chapter in life might prolong the process. Besides, is it realistic to aim for the impossible? Because very few will experience death of a loved one by homicide, it can be challenging for others to understand what you are going through. That comment signals it’s time for a whisper on closure:
As with any process, it’s good to start with clarity around the goal. One way to assess the goal is by understanding your perspective. Certain relationships are sacred, so it comes down to how you want to honor yourself and your loved one. It’s good to start with a little honoring of the people involved when considering the goal.
Is it realistic to close the door on the negative thoughts and emotions around a sudden loss while leaving it open to love? In a fast-moving culture, expectations can be built around an unrealistic timeline. As much as you wish for quick relief from the pain, you must be careful with denial of reality. Suppression of emotions doesn’t mean you have closed the door on your feelings. It means you have set them to the side to be faced another day.
The ego can trap you into a state of mind detached from reality. You can take small steps every day to respect and honor your loved ones with small acts of acceptance. Conscious remembrance of love is opening the door to your heart. The love doesn’t hold the pain. It is the separation from love that is demanding your attention. Why would you close the door on such a demand?
Opening the door to your heart is the best way to honor someone. The light you shine on a person is the love that fills the space between you. You feel grief because their life mattered and held meaning. You can carry them with you throughout eternity by feeling what matters the most. In gratitude for the time spent walking this life, your spirits connect in a space where there are no barriers. Instead of closure, set a goal of opening to the higher perspective where peace prevails.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“Closure is not always available in our lives. Sometimes, we must move on without the answer.”
RJ Intindola
Want an Experience?
Do you want to learn how to to see auras? The 4.1 Multidimensional Bodies might be for you.
Are you interested in learning how to grow your intuitive senses? The 1.2 Archangels and Ascended Masters will show you a fun way to experience your gifts.
Have you ever been interested in a past-life experience? The 5.2 on Past Lives has an exercise designed with this in mind.
Start your new journey today at the IEL Institute for the Spiritual Arts. Years in the making, the comprehensive material is available for one low monthly price. In gratitude, Russell and Beckie
