Martyr complex is a term used by psychologists to describe a person who chooses to feel and act like a victim. A people-pleaser is a close relative to the martyr complex people (tee hee). Both will sacrifice their needs to please others. The difference is the martyr complex comes with feeling trapped, helpless, and victimized. Despite a society filled with oppressors, controllers, and abusers, we all have a choice in the way we live our lives.
Our culture encourages the martyr complex to the point of giving it value. A parent yells at their young child until they begin to cry. Instead of stopping to comfort the child, the parent makes it all about themselves. “I must be a terrible parent!” Now the child must give up their needs to take care of their parent’s needs. A pattern of behavior begins and often leads to a lack of boundaries instilled with the child. The result is conditioning that says I must care for the other person’s needs above mine.
I took a break from writing to go on a little hike from the casita where we were staying. A short distance away was the Cross for the Martyrs. Even walking up the winding trail in central Santa Fe, I got a sense of a sacred pilgrimage taking place. The large white cross was erected to honor 21 fallen Franciscan friars. They were part of an Indian revolt. The poverty, slavery, and the mistreatment by the Spanish led to unfortunate deaths. Is martyrdom engrained in the culture of this land we call America? I ponder the question from this amazing view of Santa Fe, the Jemez Mountains, and the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. Let’s listen for a whisper on the subject:
The main goal of the physical body is survival. The goal of the soul is experiences that lead to enlightenment or self-actualization. These goals are in conflict with each other. One must play it safe to survive. One must take a risk to experience the reward found in exploring the mystery. Here lies the greatest internal conflict.
It’s easy to lose touch with your own needs when tasked with the responsibility of caring for others. Emotions without outward expression create internal, repressed energy. The layers of emotions beneath the surface often include resentment and shame. Passive-aggressive tendencies emerge from the maze of unfulfilled needs. A closed mental loop repeats the story of the victim.
Organizing needs is a form of setting healthy boundaries. To change a pattern requires spiritual leverage. A new practice of expressing your needs may feel uncomfortable at first. Making small and reasonable requests of others is devotion toward transformation. Recognition of choices leads to realization. Who or what is being served through making sacrifices?
Transformation is not easy, and you will lose some along the way. Freedom from martyrdom is true independence. Express your needs, for others cannot read the mind that has turned away from itself. You may not gain support, but you will experience understanding. Acceptance will follow to form a clear picture of reality and better ways to flow with life.
Consider yourself with the same measure of compassion you give to others.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“This guilt is a joke, and it’s exhausting to watch you martyr yourself.”
― Ann Aguirre
Meditation PLAYLISTs added to monthly member library! An example is how to reduce anxiety or improve your intuitive skills. Specific meditations from the entire library are recommended and put into a playlist.
Become a member of the IEL Institute for the Spiritual Arts and get access to these meditations and more.
An entire world of intuitive training and interacting with others is at your fingertips.
