Some people never apologize, while others apologize for everything, including things well outside their control. Recent studies show women apologize more than men. In a society where people seem to thrive on an outcome that declares winners and losers, the apology is an admission of guilt or wrongdoing denotes vulnerability or weakness. A sincere apology also depends on taking responsibility, which is not trending on Twitter. (tee hee)
Offering an apology can become habitual or obligatory, making the act of apologizing seem trite or insincere. Explaining bad behavior does little to make amends or elicit forgiveness. Researchers at the University of Florida found: “Apologizing, an action that carries a lot of significance amongst humans, serves an important social function. It can show recognition and value for broken rules, minimize the negative repercussions of the incident, and repair the actor’s damaged identity.”
Some psychologists think apologizing too much is a sign of anxiety or depression. The apology can further the anxiety instead of relieving it. Expressing anxiety can bring more worry around what others think, concern about the status of the relationship, increased regrets, over-thinking or overdoing. Research studies shows over-apologizing could indicate a serious illness. The energetic aspect of apologizing too much points to an imbalance in the root chakra, ungrounding, loss of stability, and feeling unsafe in a relationship. I’m sorry, but it’s time for a whisper on the subject:
Apologizing too much can be attributed to some form of energetic imbalance. Low self-esteem can affect the power center, supporting a need to apologize. When made in an effort to avoid conflict or keep a person happy, the apology becomes a submission of personal power. A desire to make things better can result from feeling guilty over an exchange or event.
Sensitive people over-think their actions, which leads to a sense they could have done better. The apology is a way to express that sincere desire to rectify or repair a situation. Over-apologizing can indicate taking responsibility for everyone’s actions. Explanation can shift the narrative to reassign blame. Those refusing to take responsibility use the person’s apology to lift their burdens and justify their behaviors. Anyone who apologizes frequently will marginalize themselves.
Awareness of over-apologizing is the first step toward healing an imbalance. Instead of giving out apologies, give gratitude as a replacement. Reassurance makes a person feel appreciated for tolerating any behavior. Giving thanks and doing better the next time earns trust, respect, and forgiveness. Saying you’re sorry less frequently makes any future expression of remorse more meaningful and heartfelt.
Over-apologizing is a boundary issue, which can form unhealthy attachments and feelings of unresolved conflicts. By understanding and enforcing healthy boundaries, everyone knows what is appropriate and what will not be tolerated. Simply communicating your emotions around an event or issue can bring understanding and lightheartedness to imperfections. Learn the language of love, and you will never have to say you are sorry.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
Benjamin Franklin
“Habitual excuses for inactivity indicates little or no interest in what one ought to have done.”
Itohan Eghide
