Name-calling, rude behavior, and putting people down have become more normalized. It seems that common courtesy and demonstrating good manners are quickly becoming passé! (tee hee) Manners describe a person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others. When you practice good manners, you’re showing others consideration and respect for their feelings. You’re also setting standards for others’ behavior and encouraging them to treat people in a similar manner.
We humans are highly sociable, to the point of unconsciously changing our behavior to fit in with others. Rudeness signals we are not welcome, which can activate the pain of rejection and abandonment as found by Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues at UCLA. Rudeness also shows that others don’t trust us. Another scientific study revealed that when men are distrusted, they experience a sharp increase in levels of testosterone, provoking aggression. Women experience the same, but often respond in a way that is more muted.
Good manners are a reflection of the Golden Rule. If you are nice to me, then I will be nice to you. The Golden Rule exists in every culture. In studies that looked at someone showing kindness to another, researchers measured a release of oxytocin in the recipient’s brain, causing him or her to respond with kindness. High stress inhibits oxytocin release. So when someone is being rude, chances are they are stressed. From that I am concluding the increase in rudeness is relative to increased stress and distrust. Let’s check on my conclusion with a whisper on manners.
The human spirit triumphantly journeys through life, extracting value from relationships. One never knows whether meeting a new acquaintance is a destined or accidental form of expansion into the broader benefits that come from companionship. Maintaining healthy relationships offers opportunities for growth and development that lead to living a life of joy, fulfillment, and longevity.
With random acts of kindness and conscious behavior, greater trust and a higher quality of relationships can be established. When someone demonstrates honor and respect, a sacred bond is forged to increase the value of life and the embodiment of spirit. When encountering rude behavior, don’t let the actions of others influence the loss of self. Refusing to take on the negative energy and giving pause helps you make allowances for the possibility that a person may be experiencing high levels of stress. This is not to say that inappropriate behavior should be tolerated, only faced with patience and a more measured response that comes from a place of clarity.
Being polite to diffuse a situation can have hidden perils. Politeness can become problematic when it creates a sacrifice of clarity and self-awareness. Call it a healthy boundary or a politeness strategy. The point is, with clarity there is honesty, and with honesty comes a direct response. Even setting aside your own feelings and emotions to offer a hug or a kind word can quickly diffuse an uncomfortable situation. Aggression almost always leads to more aggression, so in challenging situations stop to ask yourself, “What would my calmest, clearest self do?” Then use the dark, negative energy for momentum to propel you toward the light.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.”
― Bell Hooks
