Some see codependency as an ailment of the body, mind, and spirit, similar to an addiction. Addictive behaviors of codependency mostly relate to people and relationships, but can cover a range of activities. Codependency is a set of behaviors connected to unhealthy soul attachments that can affect the most independent and self-reliant people. Sensitive people are more susceptible to codependency, mostly because of the challenge with their sense of self or identity.
Sensitive people often attract abusive or narcissistic personalities, as many codependent people come from a background of abuse, neglect, or dysfunctional family environments. Early childhood conditions model the behaviors that influence the establishment of patterns. To be seen, heard, noticed, loved, or affirmed, the codependent person over-gives of themselves as caretakers and people-pleasers. Over time, being codependent becomes a learned behavior that seems normal, with the person having little understanding of what a healthy relationship might look like and without awareness that the dynamics need to change.
Codependency can manifest in different ways between both people in the relationship to include the behaviors of manipulation, bullying, suffocating, caregiving to a detriment, ignoring personal needs, obsessive behavior, excusing abusive behavior, boundary issues, fear of abandonment, or of being or living alone. This can lead to learning the fine art of making great excuses (tee hee). I now have a proper excuse to listen for the whispers from spirit on codependency:
There is a link between the triangulation of energy that influences codependency. On each point there is insecurity or feeling unsafe, lack of faith or connection to divinity, and lacking boundaries. The answer to recovery from codependency starts with an awareness of the detrimental behaviors expressed within a codependent relationship. The next step is reframing your image of self. Part of reframing includes an inventory to assess whether the meaning and purpose of life are properly assigned to the right place.
With grounded strength connected to faith in the Universal Laws that govern life, you can learn a language to fully express challenging emotions. Understanding yourself helps you communicate understanding to others. The result is supportive, healthy relationships that lead to greater safety and security. Knowing yourself helps define the needs, wants, and desires that give meaning to life. Understanding is the foundation of forgiveness, which enables you to nurture those small parts of yourself through healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries draw the firm line between who you are and what others think you are. Once you step outside the box of codependency, you will find the leverage needed to change unhealthy patterns.
Self-care is more than following a daily routine of eating nutritious food, getting adequate rest, and engaging in the proper amount of exercise. It is surrounding yourself with healthy people who are interested in having a relationship based on wellness. If you find yourself in a codependent relationship, turn toward your inner child. Would you let someone treat a child the way people are treating you? Show yourself the love you would show a child. Once you make friends with yourself, you can step back and assess whether you or someone else is being mean to your friend. Then it becomes a matter of speaking up for that friend like you would for anyone else.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label “codependent.” They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn’t help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people’s feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn’t have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn’t believe they deserved silk.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More
