Trauma is defined as a physical or emotional disturbance created by an event or experience. Bonding describes the establishment of a relationship or link with someone based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences. While bonding brings with it the energy of something good or beneficial, trauma bonding is a form of energetic entanglement that can be unhealthy. The bonding from an event can lead to loyalty or support for an abuser, but can also occur between good people who are not well suited or matched.
Such an unhealthy bond can be hard to break, though the bonds of pure love are never broken. Trauma bonding can represent unresolved issues from the past, such as abandonment, betrayal, fears of being alone, and issues of self-worth. Leaving the unhealthy relationship can bring a lot of questions to the surface: “Have I done enough?” “Am I leaving my soulmate?” “What if I’m wrong?” “Am I abandoning this wounded person?” “I don’t want to be alone.”
Then there is the issue of loyalty. Loyalty means support, and everyone needs reinforcement. In the case of an addict or an abuser, inconsistent reinforcement can be a symptom of their inability to from a healthy bond. People are addicted to more than alcohol or drugs. They are sometimes addicted to emotions, patterns, questioning themselves, or the inability to leave or let go. My addiction is to overdoing. I can’t stop (tee hee)! I can’t stop the whispers, either, so let’s give in to a moment of silence and stillness to receive a whisper on trauma bonding:
Spirit is always giving humans signs as a subtle form of communication. They are often overlooked or ignored, which is why they can get louder. It’s hard to face a truth that may require undertaking significant challenges around transforming a situation. Staying with the familiar can be easily justified by the mind, despite a high level of situational awareness. This defines the true nature of karma. Like tangled roots to the same tree, the energy between two people with trauma bonds can be extremely difficult to break free of until all lessons are gleaned and lived.
Self-awareness is the first step toward change and healing. A consistent pattern of abuse or non-performance can be a repeating sign that the other person’s word will not be kept. With awareness that hope has replaced the reality of the promises made, you are turning to face the light of truth. The sign from spirit comes through other people, such as seeing your friends and family who seem disturbed by something the other person in the relationship has said or done.
People in a relationship that contains unhealthy bonds often feel stuck or frozen in their situation. One may constantly think or feel convinced the other person will change. Perhaps they have a good heart, but cannot seem to come from that space. Constant fighting that feels damaging may bring internal conflict around leaving, which is another sign of the inability to detach emotionally. Even when the unhealthy person is away, there can be a feeling of loneliness or emptiness, which is easily mistaken for a deep love.
To heal trauma bonds, both must be willing. If the goal to establish a healthy relationship cannot be met, that is another sign the actions must be adjusted. The healing may seem unclear or uncomfortable, but to change any pattern requires leverage.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“The capacity for dissociation enables the young child to exercise their innate life-sustaining need for attachment in spite of the fact that principal attachment figures are also principal abusers.”
Warwick Middleton
