Empaths are prone to apologize for things outside their control, which can have an unintended consequence. Instead of making the other person feel better, studies indicate the apology can make them feel worse, especially if rejection is involved (cancelling plans, breaking up, not giving attention, and so forth). Inappropriate apologies lower self-esteem, create a lack of situational awareness, and undermine your message.
In her book The Power of an Apology, psychotherapist Beverly Engel warns, “Over-apologizing isn’t so different from over-complimenting: You may think you’re displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but you’re actually sending the message that you lack confidence and are ineffectual. It can even give a certain kind of person permission to treat you poorly, or even abuse you.”
People who refuse to apologize or express any remorse demonstrate greater feelings of power and control. Some apologies are beneficial in making amends, bringing resolution, being honest, and creating vulnerability in order to feel a connection to the heart. I Some apologies are beneficial in making amends, bringing resolution, being honest, and creating vulnerability in order to feel a connection to the heart. t seems like everything in life is about balance and discernment (tee hee). How do we change the apology habit? To answer that question, it’s time to turn to an unapologetic whisper on over-apologizing:
Humans are wired with a psychological defense mechanism that is self-serving, making it challenging to admit to a mistake or wrongdoing. On the other hand, people don’t always know how to respond to an apology. Words have the power to create expansion with love, or contraction when love is absent. Learning the power of love is naturally challenging, for it is not something taught or known without a pattern determined by experiences.
Self-awareness is difficult for the empath, as they are often uncertain as to where to find the line between their energy and the output from another person. An honest mistake or a trivial situation does not require an apology. It takes self-discipline to observe and act upon the appropriate situation that demands an apology. Being aware of your automatic reaction that prompts you to blurt out an apology may help you prevent the unnecessary expression.
Knowing when to say yes and how to say no can bring greater awareness through better boundaries that lead to strength, confidence, and comfort with your sensitive nature. Changing how you respond to a given circumstance is part of transformational work and the release from attachment to unhealthy emotions. The overuse of an apology lessens its meaning and level of sincerity, so use another type of response to replace the default apology. Then, when you do feel an apology is necessary, it comes across as genuine and a bridge to resolution.
Find comfort with saying no or nothing at all. This can slow down the reaction time to create a more balanced approach. Sincerity can dissolve hostility, so use your apologies sparingly to make them a gift toward the supreme good for all. Spread love instead of low self-esteem, and you will see the benefit taking form in expressions of acceptance, forgiveness, kindness, and respect.
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings, Russell
“Never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you are apologizing for the truth.” José N. Harri
